I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
