i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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