I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
