I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
