I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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