What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
