Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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