Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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