the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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