I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
