physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
