I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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