My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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