he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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