I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
