i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
