there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
PANTIES FOUND
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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