ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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