I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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