I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Less talking, more tequila
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
