Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Is it penis luge time yet?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
