I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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