I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
