mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
