She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
