im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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