Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
