I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize