He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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