I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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