I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
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I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
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Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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