When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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