i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
