he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
