It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
