you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
