My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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