we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
