Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
