Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
