Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
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So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Drake has all the answers
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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