Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
