You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
