So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
