I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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