he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
