I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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