beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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