Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We need to rekindle our bromance
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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