hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
