you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
