Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
