can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
