I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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