I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
