He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
