So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
