Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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