hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
