just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
