woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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