I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
