Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
