Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
