Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
