she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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