You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my phone needs a breathalizer
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
