just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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