You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
