he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
