I wannas sexs uuuuu
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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