I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
