I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
