glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize