I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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