So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
